How often do you catch yourself saying, “What if I had done this instead?” or “What if things had turned out differently?” If you’re like most people, probably more times than you can count.

The “what if” phase is a sneaky trap. It can disguise itself as reflection, but in reality, it often leads to regret, doubt, and overthinking. We look back at missed opportunities, wrong decisions, or paths we didn’t take, and we let them define our present. But the truth is, life isn’t happening in “what if.” It’s happening in what is. Right here, right now.

The Problem with “What If”

When we live in the “what if” phase, we are constantly chasing ghosts of possibilities. We dwell on the past or fear the future, but we forget about the most important thing—the present moment.

Think about it.

• You regret not taking that job offer five years ago. But what about the job you have now? Can you grow in it? Can you make it better?

• You wonder what life would be like if you had taken a different path. But what about the path you’re on now? Are you truly giving it your best?

• You wish you had spoken up in that one situation. But what about today? Are you making the most of your voice now?

The past is already written, and the future is unpredictable. The only thing we truly have control over is this very moment. And the more we waste time wondering about “what if,” the more we lose out on “what is.”

Embracing “What Is”

So how do we shift our mindset from what if to what is? Here are some key ways to start:

1. Practice Gratitude

Instead of looking at what could have been, focus on what is good in your life right now. Even in tough times, there’s always something to be thankful for. A roof over your head, food on your table, a friend who checks in, or even just the simple ability to try again. Gratitude shifts your perspective from lack to abundance.

2. Let Go of Regret

Regret is like carrying a heavy backpack filled with rocks from the past. The more you carry, the harder it is to move forward. Accept that you made choices based on what you knew at the time. Learn from them, but don’t let them hold you hostage. Every mistake taught you something. Every misstep shaped who you are today.

3. Take Action in the Now

Instead of wondering “What if I had done things differently?” ask yourself, “What can I do now to create a better future?” If you wish you had studied something else, start learning today. If you regret not taking care of your health, begin making small changes now. Life is built on present actions, not past regrets.

4. Be Fully Present

How many times have you been physically in a moment but mentally somewhere else? Maybe you’re spending time with loved ones but thinking about work. Or you’re eating a meal but scrolling on your phone. The best way to embrace what is is to be fully in it. Put your phone down. Listen deeply. Experience life as it happens.

5. Stop Comparing Your Journey

A lot of our “what if” thinking comes from comparison. What if I had their life? What if I had made the choices they did? But your life is yours. Your experiences, challenges, and lessons are uniquely shaping you. Instead of focusing on someone else’s story, focus on writing your own.

Life is Happening Now

Imagine standing in front of two doors. One door leads to the past, filled with things you cannot change. The other door leads to the present—the only place where real life is happening. Which one will you choose?

You have today. You have this moment. You have the power to make choices that shape a better tomorrow. But that can only happen when you stop living in the what if and start embracing the what is.

Let go of the past. Stop fearing the future. Be here. Be now. Because life isn’t in wondering what could have been—it’s in making the most of what is.