Inner Kid

Every time I look at the mirror, I see the version of me that’s unclear. I wish I can find the one, I wish to see daily, but it seems that I am destine to meet the person that I feel isn’t me. I see her, who is confident, mature, practical and more acceptable. But I look for the one who I use to be. The one who was rebellion and use to fight of her rights. The one who was happy even when she achieves the slightest of her pride. Back than she was courageous enough to try without being pragmatic to what others may think and deny. She loved herself bit more compared to others. Now she plays by what others think of herself.  No matter how hard I try, I can’t find the kid I had hidden inside the materialistic lies. No wonder I feel different, when I see my lies. I feel rejected when the inner kid disown me every time. I can feel her pain yet fail to acknowledge the same. I wish I could tell her this that I loved her and I haven’t given up on her. However, she needs to understand this, the world outside isn’t that what she believes it to be. It has its own complexity and duality, which she needs to fight. Her innocence and the pure soul may bring her the pain and the failure to understand what’s inside the person’s head and not on their face. She needs to learn her own lessons and has to have her own experiences. But to save her from getting more hurt, its better for me to stand up and play her role. It’s better to be mature and more practical rather than being free kid with innocence that leads her role. The world outside is too competitive to enjoy that sort of freedom. We all have been judged and will be judged no matter what we do and what we don’t do. We all have to accept that somehow we all are responsible too for killing the inner kid that we use to be in our past. We all want them to be the part of us, and wish we could get back to them. But what we learn and experience in our lives, makes us the more acceptable version of ourselves. Yet the craving never stops to be that kid again. But would the world let me be that same kid again? Can I, myself be the same kid again? I never want that kid within me to die and leave me with a heavy sigh.

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